Many believe that past relationships are a sign of failure or time they wasted with the wrong person. Relationships do leave us with feelings of sorrow, uncertainty, and guilt but there is a lot of wisdom we can take from these uncomfortable emotions.

Instead of trying to understand why the problem is occurring, the real question is What am I meant to learn? Couples often spend time to find answers to their problem, the best way is to focus on the lessons in order to work on the problems together gracefully.

1. Discuss your problems rather than quarrelling.

It is important that as couples, you have mature discussions where you can listen to each other having a productive dialogue. Yes, its normal for couples to fight but yelling and shouting is going to do no good.
Take the time to talk things out. Knowing what your partner has to say is very important. The positive point here is that you get to share your thoughts and feelings too.
Make sure to maintain your cool, be kind and respect your partner. He/she is someone you love and not your enemy.

2. “Me time.”

A relationship doesn’t mean that you spend hours everyday with each other, merge your identity with the other and forget about your own dreams. Love is when you make most of the moments with each other at the same time honour the space each one needs. A relationship should not be the cause of you losing yourself. So take and give the ‘me time’ to one another.

3. Be Yourself.

If you don’t feel comfortable being exactly who you are in front of your partner, this is a huge red flag
You can’t live a life that’s fake forever, and if your partner can’t accept you for the good, the bad and the weird — they’re not worth it.

4. Relationships are a direct reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.

It is only when you havnt worked on healing your fears and insecurities that you will find yourself reacting in a relationship. The moment you recognise this and take responsibility, there is a huge shift you can make towards the relationship and the way you perceive problems. As a Counsellor I always encourage acting from your higher self because the more you love yourself, higher the chances of building a loving relationship.

5. Some relationships are simply here to teach us how to gracefully let go.

In relationships which are abusive, violent or where there is consistent cheating involved.. its time to let go. Letting go gracefully, with complete forgiveness and love for the other person requires understanding and self-forgiveness. Some relationships are brought to us not as the happily ever after, but to teach us how to honorably let go. How to stand up for yourself and choose to detach from that which is disturbing your peace. Being able to let go of the past allows us to be fully present emotionally, spiritually and physically in future relationships.

6. You can only change yourself, it’s a false believe that you can transform your partner.

Yes, we can together motivate each other to change but expecting that he will change the way he deals with anger is not honouring who he originally is. Change can happen only when there is an internal desire to make a shift. Being pressured to change may lead to temporary improvements, but it’s almost certain to give rise to feelings of resentment.
If you don’t like when your partner has a short temper, change the way you react. Respond from a space of calmness. When you speak in a soft tone of voice, your partner will immediately realise and make a change too. There is difference in saying and doing. when you lead by example your partner will feel motivated to behave differently.

7. You deserve to be treated well.

You are an amazing, kind, loving person. Don’t ever let your partner put you down or harm you.
A partner is supposed to make you want to be a better person, rather than make you feel like you don’t deserve good.. Some times its important to let go and not accept certain behaviour. You chose to be in the relationship so that you can feel loved, feel cared for and share good moments together.

8. Feeling of security in the relationship is important

Often in my practise I observe especially with the youth, insecurity being a core of a lot of problems couples deal with. As a partner it is important for you to care about the sanity of the person you love thus making sure that you take equal responsibility of making your partner feel secure and loved each day. His work might demand him to go places and be with different people every day but keep your focus on the feeling he gives you . if that makes you feel complete then that is it.

9. Choose love over lust

Butterflies in the stomach, dressing to impress, texting and talking for hours a night — these are all signs of lust. These usually fade and love will take place.
Love is about accepting imperfection and loving that person for their flaws. It’s about being authentic and sharing openly without fear of being judged. When you can share the good, the bad and the ugly with someone, love grows.

10.You complete yourself. Period.

The famous quote ‘You complete me’ is absolutely false. Do not fall for it. If we’re looking for validation and love from your partner you are going to invite co-dependency issues.
If you aren’t happy with yourself, you won’t find that happiness in a relationship either. You have to cultivate self-love and happiness in your life first, before you can share it with another.